Karen the Pittsburgh Doula

Another VBAC -- Repeat Client

2011-06-20T22:02:00.002-05:00

My first repeat client! And she had a VBAC which is so so so lovely. That was my 2nd birth of the week and I am frankly still exhausted from all the working. I feel a little burned out and I was missing my family a lot.

About that VBAC Calculator

2011-02-13T11:50:00.002-05:00

Last year I wrote about a VBAC Calculator. I know that it uses evidence-based research, and the VBA2C mom I attended this week did use the score from the calculator as a piece of the picture when she was making her decision to VBAC or to have a repeat C-section.

But her score was not high. In fact, it was low.

And she had a perfectly normal, healthy birth.

I really do understand that statistics is a very important part of health care. I know that it makes me batty when I hear people, when presented with a large study about the benefits of breastfeeding say, "OK well I formula fed my child and he's absolutely perfect!" Because I know that that's not what the study was saying! I guess my point is, this can be an example of a family consulting with and gathering input from their birth team of ob/gyns, midwives, and her doula (hi!!!), and making a decision that they felt would give them the best chance of a positive, healthy outcome.

a few firsts today!

2011-02-09T17:05:00.002-05:00

In the past 12 hours I have had 2 doula "firsts."

#1 -- helping welcome a little girl into the world as her mom had a VBA2C! My first vaginal birth after cesarean that I've attended as a doula.... and this is after 2 cesareans to boot! You're an AWESOME mama, A., and welcome to the world Baby S.!!!

and #2 -- my first time as a doula who has been recommended by a past client. What a special honor!

Not a bad half day or so on the doula front!

New clients, happy days

2011-01-05T07:53:00.002-05:00

I had the pleasure of attending a truly beautiful birth in a room that was simply bathed in love, on the day before the winter solstice. In the first half of the new year, I will be attending three births as well. Very excited about working more consistently now that the kids are getting to be older!

Doula Logistics....

2010-09-30T11:08:00.002-05:00

... the child care edition.

This is definitely my biggest challenge, the part I hate. Who will watch the kids?

I'm very lucky that my husband works from home so if he's in town, it's an easy question to answer.

But... sometimes he travels. For work, for church, for fun.

He's traveling twice this month. I have a potential client who could deliver while he is gone.

So, the child care hunt begins. Who will be able to pick up the kids from school if I get a call at noon? Will that person have the proper car seats? Will the kids wig out if someone they don't know very well is there to take care of them? Will that person charge a high (if fair) price to watch all 3 kids that, if the birth goes for the typical 12-18 hours, will make it unprofitable for me to attend the birth? I love my job and if love would pay mortgages and childcare providers, I wouldn't mind!

The "Emergency" C-Section

2010-09-17T21:54:00.002-05:00

A friend found this at: http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2010/08/csection.html

One part that made me laugh out loud is the description of a doula.... and the end!

Meet The Doula Night

2010-09-14T15:49:00.002-05:00

Expecting in Pittsburgh?
Come to Heart and Hands Doula Service's Meet the Doula Night,
TONIGHT, Sept 14th
7 – 8 pm at the Breastfeeding Center of Pittsburgh 4070 Beechwood Blvd, Pittsburgh 15217.

I'm the hostess (yes, with the mostest) and I can vouch for the deliciousness of the light refreshments.

I'll never judge you.

2010-08-29T07:33:00.003-05:00

That's probably the only promise I can make as a doula -- I can't promise you that your birth will go the way you want it, I can't promise you that I can protect your birthing space against hospital policies and care providers who don't respect your wishes. But I can promise you that I will back you in any decision you make.

If you decide once you're in labor that your birth plan is out the window, know what? It's not my birth, it's YOURS, and my job is to support you in your decisions.

I've been running into a lot of real negativity about how "other" doulas don't to things the right way, i.e., not the way the doula speaking does things. I've encountered what I can only describe as scorn from other doulas when they learn that I did not use a doula for any of my births. It's been actually said to me that I can't be a doula effectively if I don't use one for my own births. Mind you -- no one ever ASKED me why I did not use a doula.

If anyone happens to be interested, it has a bit to do with my feeling judged by women in my past, and frankly the last thing I need when I am in labor is to feel judged... or even just worrying about feeling judged. I don't have a lot of need for touch, and I find I can cope with labor, and other challenges, best without a lot of input or distraction. When I'm surrounded by a lot of people in labor, I feel the need to either put on a happy face, crack jokes, or just play hostess in one way or another.

This is not to say that I don't see the value in physical, emotional, and informational support in labor. Of course I do!

But I also understand and respect that everyone has her own way. I tell clients that what gets them through labor is the right way to do it. If they want me to dress like Betsy Ross and dance a jig, I'll do it. Whatever. I'm not them and it's not my job to be them. It's my job to support their choices. And if someone doesn't want a doula, then my goodness I would never pass judgment on that!

There is nothing that has happened in the past few days that has spurred me to write this, it's just been festering for a while.

Two Babies in one week!

2010-08-15T13:52:00.002-05:00

I helped one family welcome a little baby girl in the early hours of last Sunday morning, and another family welcome their little girl late last night!

I can't describe what an honor it is for me to be able to do the work of a doula!

ACOG's new VBAC Guidelines

2010-07-21T19:27:00.002-05:00

ACOG apparently listened to the feedback from the NIH conference. These guidelines are FAR less restrictive, and a step in the right direction!

Ob-Gyns Issue Less Restrictive VBAC Guidelines

Highlights:

In making plans for delivery, physicians and patients should consider a woman's chance of a successful VBAC as well as the risk of complications from a trial of labor, all viewed in the context of her future reproductive plans

and

restrictive VBAC policies should not be used to force women to undergo a repeat cesarean delivery against their will if, for example, a woman in labor presents for care and declines a repeat cesarean delivery at a center that does not support TOLAC.

a good feeling

2010-07-15T09:32:00.002-05:00

i have a client due 8/6 and i have a very good feeling about this couple. they are very prepared, and yet the mom-to-be is very nonplussed about the prospect of her upcoming labor. it's not that she is thinking it'll be no big deal... so maybe nonplussed is not correct. it's more that she recognizes she'll be experiencing something she's never experienced before, and there's no real sense in tying herself in knots about something she can neither anticipate accurately nor completely control once it happens.

a real type-a-go-with-the-flow kinda gal. reminds me of someone... oh yeah, me!!! so yes, i have a good feeling about this labor and birth, in no small part because i feel like this is a very well-matched birth team, with great communication, clear and high expectations, and (this always helps) a lot of laughs!

welcome to the world baby A!

2010-06-30T14:22:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the world, beautiful baby A. So nice to meet you, so honored to do this work.

2010-06-17T22:05:00.003-05:00

Hospital Cuts C-section Rate, Leading to Healthier Babies

Tallahassee Memorial Hospital has decreased the number of preterm births--and thus admissions to neonatal intensive care units and infants with health problems--by cutting elective induction and C-sections over the last three years.

Isn't it nice to read about hospitals drawing the line, once and for all!? Of course... the early delivery rate at this hospital is down from a shocking 44% to a still-above-the-scandalously-high-national-average 37%. Nonetheless, I believe that the drastic reduction in the primary cesarean rate, as well as their continued practice of limiting elective inductions, will keep those numbers in decline.

First Client Since the Baby!

2010-05-19T08:51:00.004-05:00

so, a little bit from doula-land. i have my first client since I was about 20 weeks along with my nearly 10-month old! C. will be 11 months old by the time this client is due and hopefully it'll be a terrific, straightforward birth for this wonderful mama. Of course primarily for her own well being but also for me, my husband, and the kids! fingers crossed!

New Blog

2010-04-24T14:21:00.003-05:00

Since I have not been active as a doula for a while, this blog has started to be more and more family-y and less doula-y. I started a new blog for personal reflections!

Mom Of Three Monkeys

Please check it out!

Happy Earth Day!

2010-04-22T08:17:00.002-05:00

Pittsburgh Cloth Diapers is having a great sale -- 15% off today!

One of the things I really appreciate about all this 'green' industry is that in the long run, it is economical for consumers as well as being good for the environment. We're for sure breaking even on the cloth diaper investment we made!

How about you? What are some things you do that give both Mother Earth AND your wallet a break?

Happy Easter!!!

2010-04-04T15:14:00.011-05:00

I hope you are all welcoming spring in some way!

Today we went to church...
... and played in the church's garden.
Earlier this week we went to see the daffodils at Highland Park...

And in our front yard too!

Lactation Cookies

2010-04-01T22:02:00.002-05:00

I made these for a friend who recently had her baby, and, well -- I sampled them. I sampled more than a few, and I can attest to the lactogenic properties! My supply is pretty well-established after 8 months of course -- but I definitely noticed the difference.

I got the recipe here, and the original recipe comes from Noel Trujillo. I used dark chocolate and I think they'd be great with dried blueberries or cherries added in too.

1 C butter
1 C sugar
1 C brown sugar
4 T water
2 T flaxseed meal (no substitutions)
2 Lg eggs
1 t vanilla
2 C flour
1 t baking soda
1 t salt
3 C Thick cut oats
1 C Chocolate chips
2 T Brewers Yeast (no substitutions)
Preparation
Preheat oven at 375.

Mix 2 T of flaxseed meal and water, set aside 3-5 minutes.
Cream butter and sugar.
Add eggs.
Stir flaxseed mix into butter mix and add vanilla.
Beat until well blended.
Sift: dry ingredients, except oats and choc chips.
Add butter mix to dry ing.
Stir in the oats and then the choc chips.
Drop on parchment paper on baking sheet.
Bake 8-12 minutes.

So, do you like contests?

2010-03-28T14:59:00.002-05:00

Well, do ya? I have a sweet prize lined up for a contest -- perhaps in April for Cesarean Awareness Month, perhaps in May for International Doula Month.

Stay tuned!!!

VBAC Calculator

2010-03-27T21:55:00.002-05:00

Something Dr. Kaminski shared was this VBAC Calculator. It factors in several variables to give the odds of a vbac success. I thought it was very interesting and could be a great tool in making the decision for either a vbac or a repeat c-section!

Certified Bra Fitter

2010-03-27T21:35:00.003-05:00

I attended Heart and Hands' 10th annual Family Centered Maternity Conference -- a nice day with lots of terrific information. I found Dr. Bob Kaminski's presentation on VBACs to be very positive and informative, but I have to say, Dawn from Mommy Gear was great -- and now thanks to her, all attendees are Certified Medela Bra Fitters! I have a pin and certificate to prove it. A fun day but I'll be frank -- it was hell on Charlie to be away from home all that time. he was NOT a happy guy for the last few hours.

Welcome Baby J!!!

2010-03-18T20:34:00.002-05:00

I am so thrilled for my wonderful friend, J. and her husband T., who welcomed their second child yesterday. Welcome to the world little boy -- you hit the mommy jackpot. And congratulations, my dear friend!!! I am beyond happy, beyond proud, and so wishing I lived closer so I could give you all a big hug!

Stupid google ads

2010-03-18T20:30:00.002-05:00

So I added google ads to my blog to make a few bucks while I'm still not quite ready to start doula-ing again. I see today that there is an anti-health care reform ad there with a schmuck-y picture of Rep. Pelosi, urging you to call your representative.

For what it's worth, I support health care reform and I urge you to click the heck out of that ad and spend that advertiser's money.

Just wanted to make it clear where I stand on the matter since that ad is on my blog and I don't see eye to eye with it :)

Lowering Gestional Diabetes Cut-offs

2010-03-16T12:28:00.002-05:00

Panel Calls for Lower Gestational Diabetes Cutoffs

Lower glucose thresholds for gestational diabetes called for by an international consensus panel may double the number of women diagnosed.

True gestational diabetes is nothing to sneeze at. However, many already think that GD is over-diagnosed. I know for a fact that I'd have been diagnosed with GD with Badger if my care provider hadn't been as accepting of a range of normal.

Panel Urges New Look at Caesarean Guidelines

2010-03-11T09:53:00.003-05:00

The New York Times reports on the recommendations of a panel at the NIH regarding VBACs and Cesarean sections:

A panel of medical experts on Wednesday recommended steps to reverse a trend that has dismayed many pregnant women: the increasing difficulty of finding doctors and hospitals that will let a woman try to give birth normally if she has had a Caesarean section in the past.

I myself tried to keep up with the tweets (twitters? twittles? I dunno.) as it was happening and I just couldn't make heads or tails of it. Trying to do just about anything that requires sustained attention is not that easy when there's potty training going on. Which Badger is doing, by Jove! He had just one accident yesterday. Progress, progress.

Lessons at Tuba City Hopsital, Run by Navajos, About Birth

2010-03-07T08:19:00.001-05:00

An excellent article in the New York Times!
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/health/07birth.html

As Washington debates health care, this small hospital in a dusty desert town on an Indian reservation, showing its age and struggling to make ends meet, somehow manages to outperform richer, more prestigious institutions when it comes to keeping Caesarean rates down, which saves money and is better for many mothers and infants.

so, it snowed.

2010-02-09T21:19:00.002-05:00

it snowed a lot. and now it's snowing again. kids off school. we're hanging in there. they better not close the schools on thursday or so help me. SO HELP ME.

i use a lot of doula-skills in my parenting. patience. compassion. creativity. strength. the ability to stay awake for insane periods of time. sense of humor.

but we haven't left the house except for a few brief trips to play in the snow (the hubbie did take the big kids out a few times -- it's too hard for me to take the three of them out solo) since 3:30pm on friday, just as the snow started. so we're on hour 101 of each other. and i'm not that good.

"Get Me Out" -- sounds like an interesting read!

2010-02-05T21:49:00.002-05:00

This sounds like one for the library list:

Lessons from the History of Childbirth

A Q&A with Randi Hutter Epstein, MD, author of “Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank.’’

I find the history of childbirth so fascinating -- the similarities and differences to how we do things today!

Dads and Breastfeeding

2010-02-03T09:59:00.002-05:00

Now here is a helpful list of ways Dads can bond with a breastfed baby:

Breastfeeding Tips for Dads

And I love that feeding a bottle of expressed breastmilk was only #4 on the list. Being a cheerleader for mom, bathing the baby, and skin-to-skin cuddles are fantastic ways to be a present father. From my own experience, my husband brought the infant Chim to and from bed for me to nurse -- and that probably saved me, frankly.

Hooray for dads!!!

Back to Sleep!

2010-02-03T09:40:00.002-05:00

I think it's every parent's nightmare -- SIDS.

Researchers have found a new clue -- a serotonin imbalance, when coupled with external factors such as belly sleeping, can decrease a baby's ability to wake and move when oxygen supply is inadequate.

It's so chilling to think about it. I still check Chim and Badger every night before bed and Charlie, many many times per night. Of course that little stinker is waking up 5x a night so that's reassuring :)

Gisele Bundchen's home birth

2010-02-02T07:41:00.004-05:00

She had the baby in the bathtub... on purpose!
http://www.star-magazine.co.uk/breakingnews/view/17591/Gisele-Bundchen-Giving-birth-was-pain-free-/

and she didn't wear maternity clothes!
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/02/02/2010-02-02_model_gisele_bundchen_didnt_need_to_wear_maternity_clothes_while_pregnant_with_s.html

OK, the only thing I really have known about her is that she's with Tom Brady, who, as a resident of the City of Pittsburgh, I am contractually obligated to loathe from the base of my soul (read your tax forms, people, it's in there!).

But that's pretty rad. I love the normalization of pregnancy, natural birth, and mothering.

State Bill Would Ban Shackling Female Prisoners Giving Birth

2010-01-25T21:20:00.002-05:00

State Bill Would Ban Shackling Female Prisoners Giving Birth

Legislation has been proposed to ban state prisons and county jails in Pennsylvania from shackling pregnant female prisoners to gurneys or beds in prison hospitals at the time they go into labor and give birth.

Yeah. That's big of them! There have been times during my hospital births when I have felt like a prisoner -- that gown is a big factor (and why I wore my own clothes for Charlie's birth) -- but can you IMAGINE being actually shackled? Where the hell do they think moms are going to GO? And how quickly do they think they'd be able to run?!

Cosleeping. With the Co- or the -sleeping.

2010-01-25T08:09:00.004-05:00

Charlie is in a cosleeper. He sleeps well in the cosleeper from about 7-8pm until maybe 1am on a good night. I generally end up feeding him and falling asleep with him in bed. If I put him back in the cosleeper for the second half of the night -- well, he doesn't go to sleep. So it takes the "sleeper" out of cosleeper.

So I'm generally fine with having him in bed, cosleeping for realsies. Except for nights like last night when he was ready to greet the day at 4am. That was not OK. No co-. No -sleeping. I brought him downstairs, took the Circle of Neglect (haha, I just love Gretchen's term for the Exersaucer) into the bathroom and took a hot shower. I wasn't handling being woken up early very well and I didn't have the capacity for kind words or loving touch. A shower was just what I needed.

By 5am, I was relaxed and scrubbed clean of most of the bitterness of being up well before the sun. I had a cup of coffee in hand and I was ready to face the day. Of course Charlie wanted a nap by then. We nursed and snuggled on the sofa, and listened to my husband saw wood over the baby monitor. I dozed off myself, but not comfortably since I wasn't correctly positioned or covered (remember, it is January in Pittsburgh!), and if I'm going to share sleep space, I want to do it safely and on the sofa is NOT safely.

I think we need to put the crib together. I think it's time to at least start to ease our way into it. Charlie will hopefully be rolling over and I don't think the cosleeper is safe at that point. And I think it's possible that if I'm not there next to him, I will be able to put him back down and if he stirs, he will be able to settle himself as he does in the first half of the night.

On the other hand... it feels wrong to think about not having him with us.

Food during labor

2010-01-23T22:28:00.003-05:00

Of course it's OK. So says Cochrane Collaboration.

In Labor? Bring on the Food!

It takes a lot of energy to give birth! I encourage my clients to eat in early labor especially. Light foods are generally advisable. The great Jan Mallak says that it's a good idea not to eat anything you don't want to see again :)

Childbirth in the age of social media

2010-01-18T20:52:00.002-05:00

My Son Was Born on Twitter

This blog post by Lee Stranahan about the role Twitter, Facebook, and Flikr played in his wife's recent planned unassisted homebirth was very interesting! I know that during Charlie's labor we were on message boards and on Facebook -- and it actually totally saved our goose that we were because our childcare totally fell through and we were able to get the word out FAST to a lot of people that we needed help. And really, frankly, most of my best friends are not in Pittsburgh. Either they're friends I've known for years who live elsewhere, or friends who live elsewhere that I know online. It might be sad in a way but really, when is having a friend, period, not really a huge blessing?

So what are your thoughts on tweeting and facebooking, etc, during labor?

Another baby lost to Cytotec

2010-01-16T20:55:00.002-05:00

Mother loses baby after being given 'abortion' drug to induce labor

Of course Misoprostol is not an 'abortion' drug. It's an ulcer drug. How many mothers and babies have to die before they stop administering it for labor induction? Stop being such money-hungry cowards and develop it properly for labor induction, at least. Stop being lazy and cavalier and properly monitor women if you're going to use an off-label drug to induce labor. So sad, so preventable.

Results are in!

2010-01-16T10:37:00.003-05:00

The results of my contest are in -- and thank you all for commenting! Suffice it to say, 26 comments did not break the bank although it was I believe a record for my sad, neglected, maternity-left blog! The donation to Yele was MORE than $2.60 because really, that'd just be sad. I unfortunately couldn't specify an "in honor of" donation.

Random.org came up with comment #9 as the winner -- Doula Amy! Aaaand unfortunately she left no contact information, so Doula Amy, send me your information, and I will send you some cookies! I think I know which Doula Amy it is but there is more than one.

The news coming out of Haiti is so horrific and shocking -- but underneath, and exacerbating, the dramatic misery is the steady misery of extreme poverty. As it has been said countless times in the past week, Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, but extreme poverty is not isolated to Haiti. Please visit End Poverty 2015 to learn more about this ongoing issue.

Dads and Breastfeeding

2010-01-15T11:27:00.005-05:00

I read this really great post:
Breastfeeding Lessons from the Kardashians

Now, full disclosure, I have never seen the show. But I have nursed three kids and I can tell you from my experience, I never would've succeeded breastfeeding Chim without support from my husband.

He came to the classes with me. He advocated for me in the hospital, tracking down lactation consultants. He got up with the baby at night, changed her, brought her to me, helped me feed her if I needed help, and then took her back and rocked her to sleep if she needed it. And he gave me the best gift of all -- encouragement.

He is the one who told me to commit to breastfeeding just one more week. And then, another week. And by then -- oh look, we're almost to a month. We can make it to a month, right? And by then it was smooth sailing -- she was off any supplements, back past her birth weight, by far, and sleeping a good 6-8 hours at night (seriously, we had no idea how lucky we were!!!).

Having another person -- a husband, partner, friend, mom, mother-in-law, sister -- who will be a tireless cheerleader is SO important for a first time mom breastfeeding. Someone who won't say, however well-intentioned, "It's OK, you tried, there's nothing wrong with formula." It makes all the difference to have someone there to say (especially after a cesarean birth), "You can do this. You're doing it. Your body does work."

Contest for Haiti

2010-01-14T14:36:00.003-05:00

Taking a cue from Pioneer Woman, I am having a sort of contest. I will donate 10 cents for every comment posted to this blog post. I will donate it to Yele, Wyclef Jean's organization that helps Haiti in the short term and long term -- and if I figure it out, I will make the donation in honor of a randomly chosen winner. And that winner will also receive.... two dozen homemake chocolate chip cookies (if the winner is within the US or Canada). I don't have anything birthy to give away right now!

So leave a comment and spread the word!

Comments will be closed at 5pm on Friday.

Mozart

2010-01-13T12:01:00.002-05:00

I'll admit it -- pretty much everything I know about classical music I learned from Baby Einstein. This appalls my husband but the fact is, I don't think we ever listened to classical music growing up. My kids adore it now though -- especially the simplified Baby Mozart and Baby Beethoven stuff. If Charlie is crying, all one has to do is turn on Mozart of any variety and he will switch gears and listen to the music. I don't get it.

Smarter people than I am, do get it though.

Mozart Effect Helps Premature Babies Get Stronger

I guess it's the repeated themes? I love that something simple, pleasant, and non-invasive can help babies.

Elective cesarean sections are too risky, WHO study says

2010-01-12T10:28:00.002-05:00

Elective cesarean sections are too risky, WHO study says

This article in Scientific American... I hope it will be one more step to a reasonable rate of occurrence for a life-saving surgery instead of the 30-35% rate that the US currently enjoys. However, since ob/gyns typically scoff at anything the WHO says, I believe this change will come from the "bottom" up -- i.e., mothers, doulas, midwives, childbirth educators, etc.

What's cooler than a VBAC? Or an unmedicated birth? Or a double footling vaginal breech birth? Or a vaginal birth of multiples?

2010-01-09T16:49:00.003-05:00

When they're all in the same birth story!

Triplet VBAC

Apparently the first two girls were vertex and the third was double footling breech.

How cool!

My OB said WHAT?!?

2010-01-08T07:20:00.003-05:00

This blog is a guaranteed head-shaker. Some of the things that doctors, midwives, nurses, and yes, doulas say!!!

http://myobsaidwhat.com/

A new feature is positive statements posted on Thursdays -- because there are tons of great, supportive care providers!

One of my favorite recent "doozies" however, is this:

“You wouldn’t tell a pilot how to fly a plane.” -OB to a laboring woman, also a pilot, who questioned the Ob’s suggested labor management.

Ha, yeah! I'd love to say to this OB, That's RIGHT! And the BIRTHING WOMAN is the PILOT!

Cesarean Art

2010-01-08T07:10:00.004-05:00

This is a collection of the artwork of a woman after her cesarean birth. I know that I identified with some pieces after Chim was born. I also know that not all women have such negative experiences during and after cesarean births and that it's not always unnecessary. However after mine, it was amazing to find that someone else was feeling the same way.

Some of the images are disturbing and graphic -- fair warning!

cesarean-art.com

This one, entitled "postpartum," is so beautiful and haunting.
edited to add -- Badger saw this and said, "Sad mommy hurts baby." I added this not only because I wanted to show off his mad verbal skillz, but also because it gave me pause about how perceptive such a youngster is and how it's no wonder why there is such shame attached to postpartum depression -- no mom wants people to think she's wanting to hurt her baby!

Breast Cancer Screening Guidelines

2010-01-05T06:49:00.002-05:00

So they've reverted to the previous guidelines for breast cancer screenings:
New guidelines back mammograms starting at age 40

One of the things that really bothered me was that previously they were backing off the aggressive screenings, and even recommendations of self-exams, because of false positives causing anxiety. I found this to be really condescending and contradictory.

Prenatal screenings have a HUGE false positive rate -- we received false positives for various ailments for both boys. Did those screenings cause "anxiety"? You better believe it. Would insurance pay for for the screenings and the more invasive tests? Yes it would have. But the guidelines for breast and cervical cancers that have been fiddled with recently are held to a different standard for some reason.

This line of thinking is tied, in some way, to the 30% or higher cesarean section rate -- the fact that a woman's right to make her own decisions about her bodily integrity is compromised by doctor's fear of litigation for a poor outcome in obstetrics. But frankly -- since the sun is not up and Charlie is not that great at sleeping in his own bed after his first wake up, I'm too tired to unravel it. But Charlie's cute enough that I forgive him.

Milestone Time!

2010-01-04T07:52:00.001-05:00

Chim has lost a tooth! I understand that she is on the early side (5 years, 2 months) but I would like to assure the skeptics that she indeed had a wiggly tooth that fell out in the course of nature. In fact I have photographic evidence:

Totally stupid slideshow -- 5 Delicious Pre-Prepped Snacks For Postpartum Guests

2010-01-02T11:08:00.003-05:00

5 Delicious Pre-Prepped Snacks For Postpartum Guests

OK -- the recipes do sound good. How about retitling the slideshow, "5 Delicious Snacks to Bring to a Postpartum Mom"?

Seriously -- a new mom should NOT be playing hostess. Anyone who crosses the threshold without food in their hands or the intention of doing a load of laundry or occupying older siblings for a few hours so mom can have some rest... not cool.

After Charlie was born -- I have to say, having my folks here was not the greatest help simply because my mom was in between gallstone attack and gall bladder removal. We spent more time taking care of them than ourselves. Not great. The friends and family who did come with a bag of bagels (yah, Julie!) or who would take the big kids out for a few hours (thx Aunt T and Uncle M!!!) were invaluable.

Postpartum depression is a real thing that some women will have to deal with regardless of the system of support they have in place but other women are rendered more susceptible by exhaustion.

Great Blog -- Birth Sense

2010-01-01T22:22:00.002-05:00

Birth Sense -- Really interesting stories about birth both in hospital settings and at home. There are some crazy things that go on "behind the scenes" in hospitals!

Mom and Baby "Back from the dead"

2010-01-01T09:55:00.003-05:00

It's wonderful that this story has such a happy ending. I do wonder what caused the mom to go into cardiac arrest. It's not that common for such a thing to happen during the course of a normal labor. That huge list of risks that come with an epidural includes cardiac arrest, too. I don't like to speculate, but I have to wonder what really happened here.

I know that the side effects of epidurals are extremely rare and that epidurals are not always a bad thing, and I'm glad that women can choose for themselves what to do with their bodies. I do wish however that informed consent was truly informed, instead of a list of side effects rattled off when a laboring woman is in an altered state of mind.

2009 Reflections

2009-12-31T10:04:00.003-05:00

I know. Boring. But know what else? I have a napping baby (yay!), occupied kids (yay!), snow on the roads, and while I was going to make waffles during the nap, I ruined three out of four remaining eggs when I poured in buttermilk that I then decided was just too far gone. SO I have some time here.

2009 was such a tough year for so many people. Great people who are absolute blessings in my life got piles of shit dumped in their lives and it's beyond unfair. I can't hope enough that 2010 brings nothing but hope, health, and prosperity for all but especially those who have had a crummy 2009.

But there have been joys for me this year. Shortly after the new year was rung in, we remembered the pregnancy that we lost in the summer of 2008 as what would've been the due date came and went. We then got a peek at Charlie at 11 weeks or so. Had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife on Inauguration Day -- joy upon joy!

Our family had the pleasure of watching our daughter and son grow along with my belly. Seeing Chim Chim and Badger become buddies (with a healthy dose of rivalry) has been a blast. Badger had his first ER visit and a mild concussion in the spring, fun! We rehabed our basement so my husband could have a nice quiet(-er) place to work, which really expanded our living space. We were getting ready to become a family of five!

Which we did, on July 28th. Charlie. What a great baby. What an amazing time in my life. Just as Badger's birth was a redemption of sorts of the negative experience of Chim's birth, Charlie's birth provided a measure of healing from the miscarriage, a regaining of the confidence that my body is strong and capable -- and yet I understand now more fully that the emotions aren't raging, there will always be a gaping, glaring omission from my... life? soul? heart? Wherever the hole is, it's there and the ache will never be filled, nor should it.

The mothering of Charlie is so much more in line with how I have always wanted to do it, and I'm thrilled. It's been a huge adjustment but I think I'm dodging the postpartum depression that I should have better addressed the last 2 times. I am confident that it has a LOT to do with what a comparatively awesome sleeper C. is, compared to his big brother, and I'm reasonably sure that it's due to cosleeping this time around. Not to say that the sleeping is perfect but it's so much better than I was prepared for.

And the big kids are getting SO grown up. Chim started full-time Pre-K and Badger is in a Transition to Early Childhood program, which not only addresses his speech issues (which are SO improved) but will get him ready for a full-time Pre-K when the time comes.

The holidays have come and gone once again, and we celebrated with family and friends. We were able to spend a bit of time with friends from Germany visiting Pittsburgh in October, and I got to see one of my longest-lasting friends, glowingly pregnant, which was beyond worth the drive.

2010 will probably bring more changes, of course. I love making resolutions these days. I used to be very vocal about the amount of suckage contained in New Years, but now that I am a little more aware about the speed of time passing, I see the value in looking back, looking forward. My hopes for 2010 for my life are to get back into both work and home life with a renewed vigor, now that we're getting the hang of this family of 5 with 2 kids on different school schedules thing. I am hoping to get in shape, with The Run Around the Square being a goal for me (to run/walk/finish on hands-and-knees). More generally, I really want to be more present, to make new connections and strengthen neglected ones (like this blog).

Deciding when to return to work

2009-12-30T09:10:00.002-05:00

The first thing I want to say is that I fully recognize how awesome it is that we're able to have any choice in the matter -- a lot of women, if they're lucky, have their 6 weeks unpaid leave, before they have to go back to work or lose their jobs.

But nonetheless!

When does a doula go back to doula-ing after her own birthing time?

My boss offered me a client who had a due date in October. Two and a half months after my own son's birth. I just couldn't fathom that we'd be ready by then and I was right to decline. Now, here we are at Charlie's 5-month birthday and lo and behold... I still don't feel ready. It makes me wonder -- when will I be ready and what constitutes "ready"?

My practical concerns are most easily calculated. Charlie doesn't take a bottle or cup and he's not on solids yet. So he'd, you know, starve. The second factor is that he doesn't sleep through the night, which leaves me not really fully functional the next day. At least, not the high level of functioning that I expect of myself when I work. I'm cool for fingerpainting and singing Itsy Bitsy Spider 19,382 times but not for providing support for a woman at one of the most pivotal moments of her life. To say nothing of the fact that frankly, I feel like I'm barely making it from day to day as it is and there's no way I could deal with being on call, leaving for a day or two, and expecting my husband to handle what I barely can!

The emotional/mental concerns -- now, this is tricky. I know I'm just too close to my birthing experience to detach enough to assist another woman. When I hear friends talking about their births I can't help finding parallels (or... perpendiculars?) with Charlie's birth. I think my birthing experiences are valuable as a doula but I also think that if I can't focus on my client without bringing my own emotions into it -- I'm not being the best doula to her.

I don't know how I'll know when I'm ready -- I just know that right now, I'm not.

Charlie the Wonder Baby

2009-12-28T20:14:00.003-05:00

I hope you all are having a lovely winter holiday season. Our main holiday is Christmas and we had a really pretty low-key celebration -- perfect! We went to services on Christmas Eve, then out to dinner with friends and home to wait for Santa. Opened presents and then made the trip over the mountains to my parents' house where we celebrated with all my brothers, their families, and a cousin I've not seen in a good 6 years. The kids had a lovely time, especially THE BABY.

THE BABY was the hit of the weekend and everyone commented on how pleasant he is, how happy he is, how he clearly loves everyone and everything.

AND YET...

The opinion from some of those giving the praise was that he should already be eating solids, he should not be breastfeeding as much ("Oh, I don't want to give you back to your momma, you can't be hungry, you JUST ATE!"), we should not be cosleeping, and we babywear excessively and hold him too much. And ooooooooh boy, did you see that the child is not circumcised?!

So even though we're committing all those parenting 'mistakes' he's a lovely baby. He's delightful in spite of our failures.

No chance he's a happy little dude because he has no reason NOT to be happy?

Contest on Crunchy Domestic Goddess

2009-12-18T13:07:00.002-05:00

Enter here to win a gift basket from Equal Exchange Fair Trade, from Crunchy Domestic Goddess! Good luck and Happy Holidays :)

A Mom Goes to Extraordinary Lengths for her VBAC.

2009-12-18T00:15:00.001-05:00

Mom gets her vbac

I am so glad that she had a great vbac! How absurd that she had to go to such lengths.

So. Tired. And Ho, ho, ho, too.

2009-12-17T21:59:00.005-05:00

I hope this finds anyone who is still reading my poor blog well. Life as a mom of 3 is really kicking my butt lately. The formerly awesome sleeper is really not doing very well in the sleeping department for the past, oh, 2 1/2 months, but he sure is adorable and sweet when we're holding him! Put him down, though, and oh the crying! I am trying to keep my head on straight this time -- Badger was the same way and it really did drive me nuts. I don't want to be nuts again. I have been feeling a little bit nuts lately between the sleep issues, keeping kids' schedules straight, and recovering from our Thanksgiving trip to New England and preparing for Christmas. I'm trying to simplify and appreciate what is important.

This time around I really feel like I'm parenting the baby the way I wanted to with the other two but didn't have the information, resources, or courage of convictions. Since I am not comfortable bedsharing due to hubby's ability to sleep through anything, Superbaby's in an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. However, once he wakes up at night, he won't go back to sleep unless I am holding him... so we end up with him in our bed anyway. I wear him a lot, and still exclusively breastfeeding. Cloth diaper is going MUCH better. I really like the BumGenius 3.0s.

Badger's doing really well -- he's in a 2-day-a-week program that gets kids with special needs ready for Pre-K, and he just loves it. Chim is still doing well in her Pre-K and she's really looking forward to Christmas.

In doula news -- well, I am still not able to work since the baby's still not nearly sleeping through the night. In addition to not wanting to leave my husband with a baby that he can't soothe, I can't imagine what a terrible doula I'd be, being as sleep-deprived as I am. I'm barely functioning in my role as cook, chauffeur, and Santa Claus. But I have been getting the itch to go back to births -- been starting to read the birth blogs again, etc. December offered two birthy events -- Heart & Hands' Doula Service quarterly meeting, where it was so nice to touch base with all the doulas, and a party for Mr. Midwife, who marked 10 years of catching babies in Pittsburgh.

So my friends -- please do forgive me for being so terrible about blogging. I'm sure it's just left a gaping hole in your lives. ;) I just wanted to put out some happy holiday wishes!

Vegetarian Three Sisters Stuffed Squash

2009-09-28T12:34:00.002-05:00

To supplement our income and keep my mind active I've started submitting content online.

Check out my recently published content on AC:
Vegetarian Three Sisters Stuffed Squash

Two MONTHS?

2009-09-28T07:23:00.003-05:00

How has it been two months already since Charlie's birth? What a whirlwind. In addition to just the major adjustment of adding a new person to our family and family and friends visiting, Chim has started Pre-K in the public schools. She's adorable, wearing a uniform and pink princess backpack, and loving school 5 times a week for 6 hours a day -- I am proud that she's doing so well with such a long day! Badger continues to make great progress in his speech therapies. He is putting 3-4 words together and will be starting a Head Start program after his 3rd birthday... which is in a MONTH. They're all getting so grown up!

And Charlie... he's still super baby. As Dooce describes Marlo, Charlie is also the kind of kid who makes me want to just have a dozen more just like him but I too have experienced less easy babies, and we're not rolling the dice again! He's sleeping like a champ at night and nursing so well -- and subsequently growing like a weed.

Ted Kennedy, Lactivist

2009-09-19T13:04:00.001-05:00

I ran across this blog post
Senator Edward Kennedy: The Lactivist
and thought it was so interesting.

I had the honor of having Ted Kennedy as my senator for eight years. He will be missed.

More pictures?

2009-08-27T12:33:00.003-05:00

You'll have to talk to my husband about that -- the memory card is full and he's in charge of emptying it. So no new pictures!

OK, here's one that I took with the camera built into the laptop:

Ups and Downs of My Recent Birth

2009-08-26T13:32:00.009-05:00

I really loved nearly all of my birth experience. I got nearly all of my wishes and I'll go over the ups after the downs, to end on a good note!

In a perfect world, I would not be a VBAC mom -- most of the negative parts of my birth experience stem from the restrictions and attitudes that go with the VBAC. Continuous monitoring (and of course the telemetry monitors didn't work). Crazy charge nurse having to be there for 2nd stage. Said crazy charge nurse flipping out during crowning because they couldn't get a good FHT reading. Said crazy charge nurse telling me how to push when I was doing fine. I had a 2nd degree laceration and I wonder if I had been able to continue pushing as I felt it, as I was trying to do, if I would've remained a little more intact!

I wish PA was more homebirth friendly and I hadn't had a previous cesarean, and that our house was a little more suited to a homebirth. Then I might have considered a homebirth. I missed my kids immensely -- my mantra was "oooooookay" which is Badger's latest favorite word, and it just felt horribly wrong not to have Chim with me since she had come to every midwife appointment and shared the excitement and comforted me in a way that no one else in my life did.

Now, what I will remember positively...
I am so glad my midwife is my midwife. He advocated when needed and gave me space to advocate for myself and joked around when needed and told me what I needed to hear -- as he has since I had unexplained bleeding in February 2006 when I was pregnant with Badger. My only regret involving Patrick Thornton is that I did not try to transfer to his practice while I was pregnant with Chim.
I had a ball for most of the labor. Even hooked up to the monitors and after my water broke, I was able to freely move about the room and drink (and if I wanted to eat I reckon I would've). I brought my doula bag and my midwife got a kick out of nosing through out. And as with most clients' births, the only thing I used was lip balm and lotion!

I loved being emotionally and mentally present in a way I wasn't for Chim's and Badger's births. A combination of being that much more familiar with the process and an acute awareness that this was the last time I'd have this experience.

Similar to the way in which Badger's VBAC resolved a lot of pain from Chim's cesarean birth, this birth resolved a lot of pain from my miscarriage last year. And in another way it made me mourn that loss on a deeper level.

It was a very good birth. My biggest regret is that it was my last birth (barring a massive failure of an IUD that has my name written all over it... or a stellar increase to our income level). My greatest joy, well, that's easy:

4 weeks with baby boy.

2009-08-25T20:39:00.002-05:00

he's so sweet. typical newborn stuff like spit up and not wanting to be put down... but i find that i am a lot more patient with him and his needs than i was with chim's and badger's when they were infants. i am a little distressed about the state of my house -- primarily because my inlaws are visiting next week -- but it'll get done and if it doesn't, they'll still love me :)

my husband described having a newborn around with a preschooler and a toddler as running a marathon while carrying a 10-lb bag of sugar. it's not necessarily that the sack of sugar is that heavy, it's that you're running a marathon! i had a lot more patience for the bigger kids when i could interact with them more actively instead of sitting and nursing all day.

but he's a sweet pea baby and we're all just in love with him!

cloth diapering.

2009-08-23T08:37:00.002-05:00

i started using cloth diapers with badger this spring with the intention of being able to use them with the new baby, under the assumption that badger would someday start to use the potty. i'm sure he's not too far off but in the meantime, i am so turned off cloth diapering! in the short few months i have been using these diapers, they've become stained, stinky, harbored a stubborn yeast infection, and have just been disgusting to handle, especially the soiled diapers.

i took a break when the new baby arrived but now that his bowel movements have lost that newborn runny quality i started with both boys in cloth and have had mixed results. one day i'll have leaks on both boys, the next day i'll have none. but i've determined that i am done done done with cloth on badger. it's too gross. i can manage the breastmilk poop but sorry planet, i am putting my nearly three year old in disposable diapers.

Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding

2009-08-20T08:14:00.002-05:00

very excited about ina may's guide to breastfeeding, out in a month or so!

now if she would write na may's guide to holding a baby and typing.... we'd be set here.

for my family members who may happen across the blog...

2009-08-12T14:26:00.002-05:00

the birth story below contains some rather straightforward talk about my labor and delivery with baby boy. it's a doula's birth story after all! so if you are my dad, my brother, or my father in law, be forewarned :)

this public service announcement has been brought to you by karen the pittsburgh doula!

Charlie's Birth Story

2009-08-09T09:00:00.002-05:00

Albert Charles's Birth Story
Tuesday July 28, 2009 – 10:44am
8 lb 7 oz., 20 1/2”

Throughout the third trimester, I had been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, and generally feeling very healthy, happy, and energetic. I really enjoyed this pregnancy and concentrated on remembering the physical sensations and emotions I felt during this time.

On Monday July 27 my contractions were starting to feel a little more crampy but nothing to time or stop me in my tracks. ChimChim had school and Badger had speech therapy in the morning, and afterwards we went and got new litter boxes for Salem. The three of us went to Chim's favorite restaurant, Qdoba, and I got the vegetarian gumbo with the spiciest add-ons. Chim and Badger were really fun and great listeners on our outing and I thought about how glad I was that we could have a special, pleasant, fun lunch, just the three of us.

Throughout the afternoon nothing really intensified but during dinner prep (fettucini alfredo) I started noticing the contractions a lot more – while I was draining the pasta, notably! During the evening they kept going and for a span of 90 minutes, during which time I lost my mucus plug and took a shower, they seemed to be getting regular. But then around 10 they fizzled out and around 11 I decided to drink a little beer and try and rest up.

Well. Baby likes beer because as soon as I lay down to sleep the contractions became regular and frequent – every 3-5 minutes – but mild. Since they weren't mild enough to sleep through, I called my midwife at 1am (poor guy) because of the frequency of the contractions and this being my third baby. He suggested I take a shower and see if that slowed things down or got them started. They didn't change but at least I was super clean! My husband put Krull on TV to try and bore me to sleep. It worked for him but not for me, I was up for the long haul. I was able to do some laundry and light cleaning since I was sure I would not be home for several days.

I was able to lay down on the sofa for about 20 minutes before I had to move with the contractions, probably around 3am. I used the birth ball and hot rice socks for pain relief. At 4am we called Kelly to come over to watch the kids – it was getting pretty intense and I didn't want to get to the point where I didn't want to make the car ride. I called her home phone.... no answer. Called again..... no answer! Kelly had been in Seattle visiting her husband on business but she was SUPPOSED to be back on Monday... I tried her cell and she picked up – hooray! She was here in 30 minutes or so. I packed up a few more things, told Kelly to expect my parents to be there to relieve her by 10am, called the midwife, and off we went to Magee!

On the car on the way there, I had an excellent PB&J, and we called my parents' home phone. No answer. Tried again at Magee. No answer. I was admitted and I'm 4-5 cm, which sounds right to me and I am happy with the timing – glad I didn't wait so long that I had to get used to the monitors, new people, etc., too close to transition. I had my heplock placed and we headed to the LDR. I was psyched that I was able to wear my own clothes.

Once we were there we finally got in touch with my parents. They were on their way home from the ER – my mom had gallstones and they'd been up all night. They had an appointment with a surgeon to schedule her surgery at 1130am, so my husband spent probably about an hour on the phone and emailing to see if anyone could help. Finally around 730 he got it settled. Phew.

I listened to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and Farmhouse while I did my thing with the contractions. They were still quite manageable and I was more concerned at this point about my energy level. I had been up since Monday morning, more or less. I worked on the birth ball to conserve my energy. At 830 or so I was not in a suitable amount of discomfort so the midwife and I talked about AROM. I said, let's check and see the progress and see how far down the baby is and then decide. Well, I was 7cm and then my water broke. Fluid was clear. Not a particularly vigorous exam so it was ready to go. I could feel the difference almost immediately. I integrated the more intense contractions while in bed for probably 30 minutes or so and then got out of bed. Things continued to intensify and I could tell the baby was descending. I felt those kicks and punches and started to cry because I would miss being pregnant. I held on to Sayf during the contractions and probably around 930 I started to feel some pressure. This was a big deal because I had never felt an urge to push spontaneously – someone looking at a monitor would have to tell me. One of my hopes for this birth was to not have directed 2nd stage!

So I was pushing while standing and being encouraged by my husband, my midwife, a resident, and I believe a nurse as well. At some point I moved to the bed and things get sort of muddled. I was checked and there was an anterior lip (shit!) but within a few contractions it was gone. I was sort of on my right side, just because that's how I guess I landed on the bed! I was very aware of the baby moving down and frankly wanted no part of it. I kept telling my husband that I did not want to do it. He would reply, “Well, what do you want to do?” He was right – it really wasn't a question of whether or not I wanted to! I didn't believe it when they told me it was all going well – and frankly that's what everyone was saying for 4 hours as I tried to deliver Imogen so one can forgive my skepticism! I was able to reach down and feel the head – what a strange strange feeling – and that was very motivating.

The baby was crowning, I swear to god, for 10 minutes. The nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest apparently is a charge nurse at Magee and when the baby got too low for the monitors to pick up the heartbeat, with me being a vbac mom, she got into the directed pushing. I pretty much ignored her instructions about shutting up and holding my breath. I like breathing and lord knows I hate shutting up.

Finally, at 10:44, I delivered a healthy baby boy (as Nurse Ratched announced, despite our requesting that my husband be the first to say so!), APGARs 9/9, 8 lb 7 oz, 20 ½ “ and just sweet as anything. We named him on the following day – Albert Charles.

Welcome to the world Charlie! Thank you for a great birth!

introducing charlie...

2009-08-01T09:41:00.004-05:00

i know i have been absent -- getting our 3 bedroom house ready for family member number five has been keeping us busy!

without further ado: introducing baby charlie! born 7/28, vbac #2. 8 lb 7 oz, 20 1/2"

Binsi Giveaway on Thrifty & Chic Mom!

2009-03-30T15:21:00.001-05:00

Giveaway!

I should encourage you to enter, but that would reduce my chances of winning. I do. not. want to wear a hospital gown!!!

A Day with Ina May -- Part Two

2009-03-29T19:38:00.004-05:00

The topics listed for the afternoon were Post-date Inductions (including midwifery methods of inductions) and Demand Cesareans: What Women Probably Don't Know. Ina May didn't quite stick to the outline but that was fine by me (although there were those who beg to differ). She brought panels from The Safe Motherhood Quilt, which is something of a memorial to mothers who have died as a result of complications of pregnancy or birth.

She talked a lot about the risks of induction and the lack of informed consent. Ina May also discussed not only the sharp increase of maternal morbidity but the method of reporting deaths -- from the fact that death certificates are different from state to state, that reporting of maternal deaths is done on the honor system, and that autopsies are rarely performed. She described the quilt as a blunt instrument and I am so glad that she brought it with her.

One of the reasons *I* loved this part is that Ina May got political. In my opinion, you cannot have a conversation about maternal health and not have a political discussion. It's too intertwined. It's absurd. You can't point out the fact that the system sucks and not talk about why -- especially when the fact of the matter is, as a result of the system being so busted, women die and they don't need to.

So the conference ended and after cleaning up the room, some doulas were able to have dinner with Ina May. What an treat it was to have a casual conversation with Ina May! How many stories she must have -- and she wisely confirmed that I really didn't want to be camping at Bonnaroo with my kids and being really pregnant in June -- even if it is a killer line up AND close to the Farm! Honestly, some days I really feel like packing it in and moving to the Farm or somewhere like.

Anyway, I will always treasure this picture and the time spent with Ina May. Here's Ina May Gaskin, yours truly, Thing Three, and my extra chins:

A Day with Ina May -- Part One

2009-03-29T07:13:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was Heart and Hands Doula Service's 9th annual Family Centered Maternity Care Conference and as I *may* have mentioned, the only speaker was none other than Ina May Gaskin. What an AMAZING and tiring day!
At left, Jan Mallak introduces Ina May.

The beginning of the day focused on using manual skills instead of relying on medical interventions and tests (for instance, it has been proposed that ob residents no longer need to be able to palpate the abdomen to determine fetal position); Sphincter Law (my favorite part was the idea that the vagina was erectile tissue much like the penis, and that instead of "stretching" it just plain gets bigger); and the Forgotten Powers of the Vagina. The second two topics blended together flawlessly.

Lunch was pretty bad but it was nice not to have to wonder if the food was actually vegetarian -- it was!!! Of course no one came for the food but rather for the legendary speaker and the company of fellow birth professionals.

The conference room at PPG Chemical Center

The Heart and Hands Display

Heather Mallak, baby Zeev, and Ina May

And I'm going to stop here, publish, and then write part 2 later -- it's taken me about 9 hours to write this much due to catching up at home!

9 days til Ina May!

2009-03-18T19:31:00.004-05:00

It seems like we have (meaning, Jan has) been planning forever but Ina May is coming NEXT WEEKEND. If you're interested there may still be room!!!

http://heartandhandsdoula.com/

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to put Badger back in bed for the 5th time tonight. I swear, when he started climbing out of his crib my first thought was to turn it upside down and use it as a cage... smart first impulse.

Nothing like snuggling a newborn!

2009-03-13T12:33:00.003-05:00

I had a postpartum visit with a client who had her baby last week -- a SWEET little baby girl with just about as much hair as I currently have. Just one week old, still all curled up like a little fetus but eyes open wide and absorbing all the details about her new life. This lucky little girl has to great parents and they're doing a fantastic job! What a happy and healthy little girl!

Thanks for the snuggle, baby I! Makes me so look forward to snuggling my own little one in 20 weeks or so!

Always nice to see a former client

2009-03-09T22:24:00.003-05:00

I met a former client and her super cute baby boy for coffee this morning before Badger's speech therapy -- it's always really wonderful to catch up and get to see how moms are settling into motherhood! This particular mom, who had a really lovely birth at the Midwife Center, seems to be as natural at the motherhood thing as the labor thing! If not for my dear son's temper tantrums and constant escape attempts, it would've been a perfect morning (until we went to speech therapy... I'm pretty sure his ST cries every Sunday night in dread of Monday mornings!).

It was great to reconnect, C, if you're reading :)

Rixa's giving stuff away!

2009-02-19T12:30:00.002-05:00

Stand and Deliver (formerly The True Face of Birth) is giving away some makeup! I am translucent this time of year so I'm entering for sure!

Giveaway!!!

Welcome Baby Z!!!

2009-02-18T23:57:00.003-05:00

Jan Mallak is a grandmother (and oh, her daughter is a mama). Baby Z made his grand entrance early, arriving tonight -- about 6 weeks early but seemingly in quite good shape!

Please keep this family in your thoughts -- we hope to continue to hear good news!

Salma Hayek Breastfeeding

2009-02-12T12:55:00.002-05:00

Have you seen this?

Salma Hayek on why she breastfed another woman's baby

I thought this was so beautiful, spontaneous, and natural. It does bring up issues about the safety of breastfeeding another baby -- that a nursing mom may unknowingly transmit a blood-borne virus... and I really don't know about that. Do I think that the chance of transmitting something to a baby by nursing him once has a lot more benefits than risks? I'd imagine so.

What do you think?

Yay, a February client!!!

2009-02-03T23:24:00.002-05:00

I'm so glad to have a new client lined up! It has been since November (yes, 2008!) since I have attended a birth. This mom is due 2/20 -- right between Valentine's Day and my birthday :) Let's cross our fingers that my husband and I get to go on a date on 2/21, for which babysitting was graciously offered by a friend who totally knows we'll never leave the house alone again after Thing Three arrives!

WOW, six Superbowl wins? Has that ever been done before?

2009-02-02T16:44:00.002-05:00

The answer is, no. Not until last night. The Pittsburgh Steelers are the first!

We all had a very late night last night, which for Badger always means a terrible sleep. My husband had the horsesense to sleep on the sofa since, as predicted, I had a whining, flopping-around two-year-old sharing my bed starting around 2am. We had a surprisingly productive speech therapy session at The Children's Institute, where Badger began today a 6-month series of weekly sessions to supplement his already weekly sessions here at home.

Once the boy was napping, I did something I hadn't done in a while -- I sat and read stories to ChimChim for an hour. Lately it's always been SOMETHING, we've been so busy. It was nice to take the time and relax together.

Superbowl XLIII and Doulas having Doulas

2009-02-01T10:02:00.004-05:00

Is everyone ready for the Superbowl? This will be ChimChim's second Steelers Superbowl and Badger's first. Their black-and-gold is ready to wear and I even got a new T-shirt for the occasion since my cute Steeler T-shirts aren't really housing my 14-week-pregnant belly. Obviously, much like our president, we're rooting for the Steelers even though you have got to be happy for the Cardinals as well.

In a note related to doula-ing... one of the great great perks about working with a doula service is that we can choose whichever doula we'd like, pending availability. I confess: I am nervous about "performing" in labor in front of a colleague. What if I don't do what I "should"? What if my worrying about what I "should" be doing interferes with my doing what I REALLY should be doing, which is laboring in the way that feels best for me? Just the sort of thing I think about at 3am when I can't get back to sleep after my twice-nightly visit to the potty.

Back in the saddle

2009-01-28T12:48:00.002-05:00

At the urging of some folks... I'm baaaaack! I'll be honest, guys... I got all caught up in the elections and, well, you know how happy I was about the Obama victory. Turns out that we're going to be contributing to the OBAMA BABY BOOM. I am due at the end of July/beginning of August!

So, what with the first trimester narcolepsy and since I mentally sort of insulated myself from birth news (not sure why... I think I just wanted to enjoy a really boring first trimester, which all in all, I have), I didn't have a ton to say! I also took off a bit of time off from doula-ing for traveling during the holidays (to Connecticut for Thanksgiving and Nevada for Christmas/New Years), and I discretely mentioned to our fearless leader, Jan Mallak, that I was in the family way again, so she didn't schedule me for births given my previous miscarriage (she wanted to give me a chance to take it easy).

Just a few little items...

We're still excited about Ina May Gaskin's coming to our conference on March 28th. You can visit Heart and Hands to download the brochure. It'll be a great day!

Chim-Chim is going on 4 1/2 and really awesome. She's a blast and she just made a Valentine's Card for Barack Obama. That's my girl! She's enjoying preschool and her ponies and princess toys.

Badger is going on 2 1/2 and he's doing super well, especially with his speech. He is putting words together and using adjectives and verbs -- which I must say is better than either of his parents can muster before 9am any given day. Oddly enough, he can identify most letters of the alphabet. Even though he's doing very well with his speech we're going whole hog and adding in another hour of therapy to aggressively try and get him to level. He loves choo-choos and he's on a big puzzle kick lately.

This pregnancy has been treating me pretty well. After 1st trimester bleeding with Badger and the miscarriage this summer, I'm thrilled to be having a healthy pregnancy. An ultrasound around 11 weeks showed a lovely heartbeat, which we heard again at the midwife's office on Inauguration Day.

So, I promise to try to be a better blogger!!!

Yes we did.

2008-11-04T23:56:00.000-05:00

I am so happy to see the new day dawn.

So what if Obama were a Muslim or an Arab?

2008-10-14T08:53:00.005-05:00

Thank you, Campbell Brown. Every time the comment "Oh, he's an Arab" gets thrown out I think, "Well, no, but so what if he were?" These people are saying that MY KIDS aren't American enough. After all, they've "got some Muslim" in 'em. Their paternal grandfather was born in Iraq and raised Muslim. Of course their maternal grandfather proudly served as a United States Marine -- but I guess that doesn't really matter, for some reason!!!

Here's a link to the article that more elegantly states my point :)
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/13/campbell.brown.obama/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

OK, OK!!! I made a decision!

2008-09-25T20:44:00.005-05:00

Phew, this was tough. Weren't they all great?! Isn't it sort of interesting to look at birth with such a relentlessly editorial eye? I think that one of the things that really stuck out to me was that nearly across the board, no matter how difficult/painful/scary the writer felt the birth was, one of the six words was something like, "beautiful," "miracle," "amazing," "blessing," "proud." And that's really what it's about, I guess. A birth can go so many different ways and what I love is when moms and dads (yah, dads, I didn't see any submissions from YOU guys!!!) remember the birth of their child as a beautiful event.

So without further ado, let me announce the "winner!"

Although, seriously, I don't think that's the right word because you're all so great, and I mean that.

See, now I can understand what gets into Joe Biden sometimes. You know how he just can talk and talk and go into all these great, touching, funny, anecdotes about the great people he's had the fortune to have touch his life? Like, when he was introduced by Dan Rooney today in Greensburg? Seriously, I just love this guy.

OK, I'll be good.

Now, without further further ado:

Jessica KTS said...

Saw her head in mirror forever!

I just loved that! Just a moment in time frozen forever. And having pushed myself for a total of 6 1/2 hours between Chim and Badger, I feel your pain, dude. Congratulations!!!

Now, like I said, I had a hell of a time picking and I gave this a lot of thought and made many lists. I loved the progression in birth stories in Kris's response:

#1-excited, naive, painful, pitocin, failure, cesarean.

#2-scared, another surgery, tears, another boy.

#3-determined, communication, surgery, support, fearless, girl:)

... the personal story that Julie emailed me and explained a little about the "serendipity" part:

Induction, assumptions, urgency, support, relief, serendipity.

... the bravery of Kristi and so many others as she illustrates in her telling of the cesarean birth of her daughter:

induction, overzealous, scarring, disappointing, beautiful, painful

... Christine's joyous alliteration:

Hooray!

Hurry!

Herculean.

Hubristic.

Halcyon.

Henry

... and the lovely, gentle birth described by Maria (the description of, if she's who I think she is, is completely accurate!):

loving, peaceful, natural, PUSHING, beautiful BOY!

Oh, I could go on. But I've done enough of that already. And you guys know me, I do go on. Thank you everyone for participating! I hope you had as much fun as I did! I really hope I can do this again. PW inspires me with her contests, what can I say?

Contest Time! Beautiful BIRTH BEADS!

2008-09-20T20:21:00.007-05:00

This is a contest for all the moms and childbirth professionals!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Write about your birth or a birth you've attended, or if you've not yet had the big birth day yet, your hopes for birth, in six words. This is borrowed from doulicia -- by way of my doula board! To play fair's fair, here are my births, in six words.

#1: watched pot, surgical, plenty of blame.
#2: textbook, instinctual, midwife, supported, strong, healing.

So leave a comment with your six words. Don't get caught up about being all poetical, I'm much more interested in your true recollections, or hopes. Please also pass the word along! I don't know how I'll pick a winner but whether it's deciding which speaks to most, or loving each of them so much that I have to employ that Random.org thing that Pioneer Woman uses, it'll be fair. Unless I decide to keep the prize myself, because just take a look:

These are Birth Beads and this bracelet is made by a doula who works with Heart & Hands. Aren't they beautiful!? And there is a lovely story behind the beads, as seen below. Don't you love the tiny feet and little picture frame? What a nice keepsake for a new mom, a special client, or heck, even yourself! If you love this bracelet as much as I do, why don't you give Ellen an email (egcc93 at hotmail dot com) and find out about guaranteeing you can have a bracelet of your own?

Pink- Between the mother …
A spark! Anew life has begun
Blue- And the father
In just three weeks,
The heart begins to beat
Two more months,
This is the exact size and shape of baby’s feet
Another month
Time to find out the sex? Or be surprised? Pink, blue, purple
After another month or so
Movements of the baby can be felt
You and the baby are growing
Together
Soon will come Labor! Unpredictable, Beautiful
Moment in time
All leading to meeting your new child

Congratulations!

I'll accept submissions until, say, 10pm EST on Wednesday September 24, and announce the winner Thursday September 25 (births and other life permitting!).

Good luck!

Third Baby in China Dies from Tainted Formula

2008-09-17T15:28:00.002-05:00

A third baby has died after drinking tainted formula and more than 6,000 children have been made ill, Chinese officials said Wednesday.

China's largest producer of milk, Mengniu Dairy Group, announced the recall of three batches of formula made in January after tests showed they were contaminated.

More than 6,200 babies have been sickened by milk powder now found to be tainted with the chemical melamine, said Li Changjiang, China's director of quarantine and inspection, up from about 1,200 on Tuesday.

More than 1,300 infants are hospitalized. The illnesses include malnutrition, kidney stones and acute renal failure.

This is yet another reason why I think that formula should be more closely regulated. China is not alone in having to recall formula -- it's been done in the United States 22 times from between 1982 and 1994 alone. With a manufactured product, there is a risk of contaminating the sole food supply for astonishing numbers of young babies.

We are fortunate to live in a time when babies who cannot receive human breastmilk for whatever reason are not left to starve. We are fortunate to live in a time when a cesarean birth can save the life of mom and baby alike. We are NOT fortunate to see these options overused and abused.

The True Face of Birth: Help Dr. Newman's breastfeeding clinic

2008-09-15T19:49:00.000-05:00

The True Face of Birth: Help Dr. Newman's breastfeeding clinic

Over at The True Face of Birth, Rixa (who is expecting, whoo!!!) reports that the Newman Breastfeeding Clinic and Institute of Toronto is facing a funding crisis! Please do help out if you can!

The Midwife Center Sponsors Screening of “The Business of Being Born” on Saturday, October 4, 2008

2008-09-15T16:03:00.000-05:00

The Midwife Center Sponsors Screening of “The Business of Being Born” on Saturday, October 4, 2008

Clients and friends of The Midwife Center understand its value first-hand and know how lucky we are to have access to an independent midwife practice. Now that the United States has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world as more and more medical interventions during birth become commonplace, the Center is even more precious. Ricki Lake’s response to this crisis in birth was to produce a documentary film about birth titled The Business of Being Born.

From the producers:
Birth is a miracle, a rite of passage, a natural part of life. But birth is also big business.
Compelled to explore the subject after the delivery of her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to question the way American women have babies.
The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal.
Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?

If you haven’t seen the film, you don’t want to miss it. Even if you have seen the film, please consider joining us for this special screening event and inviting that friend you’ve been meaning to tell about the center. More women need to see that there is another way – this film will make it crystal clear.

Screening of The Business of Being Born
Waterworks Cinema, Aspinwall
Saturday, October 4, 2008
9:30am - Bagels and coffee reception
10:00am – Welcome and movie screening, followed by a panel of local physicians and certified nurse-midwives to answer questions from the audience.

Tickets are available at The Midwife Center or at the door for $10.00 each or 2 tickets for $15. A kid’s movie will be shown at the same time, supervised by volunteers, for $6 per child (ages 6 and up recommended). Please call 412-321-6884 or email c.haas@midwifecenter.org for more information and to RSVP for your child(ren).

Welcome Baby Boy C!

2008-09-15T15:53:00.003-05:00

Some wonderful friends of mine (my college sweetie and his wife, actually) welcomed their son this morning. These petite parents grow 'em big, as Baby C. was 9 lb 9 oz (if I recall, his big sis M. also tipped the scales at nearly 10 lb).

Congrats guys -- what a lucky boy to be born into such a lovely, loving family!!!

Contest coming up! Watch this space!

2008-09-14T12:25:00.003-05:00

Keep checking back here for an upcoming contest! The prize will be very beautiful and appropriate for giving or keeping!

Dr. Phil Homebirth Show

2008-09-14T11:57:00.001-05:00

I got this request today. If you'd like to share your homebirth story, here's a chance to do so!

If you have not already seen this, Dr. Phil is doing a show on the horrors stories of home birth!! He wants you to submit your bad stories so he can do a show on it. Please flood his site with your positive stories so that he can know that the correct story would be to do a show on the joys of home birth!! I just sent in mine. If you haven't had a home birth but have attended one or know someone who has, write about theirs!

http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=12524

Congrats to my friend C!

2008-09-14T11:52:00.002-05:00

My "internet" friend C and her family just welcomed a beautiful little girl -- I can't wait to hear about this homebirth! It was attended by a midwife and apprentice as well as her friend A., who is an awesome photographer as well as a first-time doula :)

Congratulations to all on the new addition!

Opening of the new Obama office!

2008-09-10T15:29:00.004-05:00

Last night Badger and I attended the opening of the new Obama office in East Liberty. It was very crowded, which is a good thing... unless you have a spooked 22-month-old strapped to your body. I thank my lucky stars that I had my sling with me though; otherwise we would have had to turn right around. We bumped into my midwife there and he couldn't believe how big "the baby" had gotten!

Anyway, it was a fun time, very exciting, and I wish I'd have brought my camera!

My kids, with the waking and the not sleeping.

2008-09-10T15:24:00.003-05:00

Last night, Badger decided that 4am is wake up time. Night before last, it was Chim who was up every few hours with a tummy-ache. It's as if they got a memo from the Kid Patrol that I finally got health insurance (yay!), and this week concludes my 3rd cycle after the miscarriage, and those were the milestones I was waiting for before I start thinking about whether we will try again for another kiddo. I have a feeling their vote is "no."

Pregnant Bellies Give Birth to Art Form

2008-09-07T21:41:00.002-05:00

How beautiful are these belly casts? What amazing talent these artists have, and what a gorgeous keepsake of pregnancy!!!

Delivery Method Affects Brain Response to Baby’s Cry

2008-09-06T10:50:00.002-05:00

I thought this article was so interesting:
Delivery Method Affects Brain Response to Baby’s Cry

I know that from my personal experience, I felt very detached in my mothering with my first child, who was born via c-section, when she would cry. With my second child, who was born via vbac, I couldn't tolerate hearing him cry. I would act immediately (well, most the time). I have chalked this up to the toll the difficult labor and recovery with the c-section, that it just took a lot out of me, emotionally and physically; whereas with my second, I felt victorious and energized, and I had energy to spend mothering my child.

This study is very small but I find it professionally interesting and personally gratifying to read scientific evidence for this phenomenon!

Our sad garden

2008-09-06T10:24:00.004-05:00

Well, the garden didn't turn out too well. It was fun to watch everything grow but not too much fun to watch everything stop growing. This was our first year so we decided from the outset that it would be just a learning year for us.

Check out the best of the carrots. Cry with me.

I can point to several factors in the garden's not doing very well, and how we hope to counteract them next year:

The soil was not tilled far enough down. When I see the stunted pathetic carrots, I can really imagine that they just didn't have anywhere to go. Next year we'll look into hiring someone to do it for us (I can't imagine it would cost much more than renting it ourselves and the subsequent ER costs and foot reattachment surgery).
Chipmunks. Little rodents -- good thing they're so cute. Next year we plant to plant a marigold and lavender border.
Powdery mildew. It got our zucchinis and cantaloupes and I think it got our watermelon too. Next year we will spray with a milk solution that should help.
Planting too much, too close, all at the same time, and late in the season. Next year, we'll use our experience from this year!
The miscarriage happened the weekend after I planted the garden. I don't know what I plan to do to not have that happen again, but it sure did put a damper on my enthusiasm and ability to do anything this summer.

Now, we did have some success. I had a nice crop of cherry tomatoes in a big pot on our front porch -- we probably got close to 60. We still have about a dozen green tomatoes and we're just hoping the plant can hold out long enough to ripen them up. Another case of overcrowding but I think it was a success nonetheless. I also did better-than-expected on my herb pots as well, since I usually kill anything off by the time it sprouts. We have had lots of fresh basil, thyme, and mint. Cilantro and dill didn't do very well -- I think they got too much sun.

Tell me -- how did your gardens grow this summer?

So, doulas... any Labor Day babies?

2008-09-06T09:20:00.003-05:00

Come on, doulas -- any Labor Day babies born on your watch? I haven't been to a birth in 3 weeks and I'm getting antsy... and none on the horizon either! Frustrating!

I will be visiting my most recently delivered client tomorrow and I'm excited about that -- it's always nice to see how a new family is settling in and getting to know each other.

Jon Delano's Streaming RNC Webcast Chat

2008-09-04T22:14:00.005-05:00

Here it is, my 15 minutes of fame.
Jon Delano's Streaming RNC Webcast Chat

I don't think I embarrassed myself too badly! There's one question at the very end when he asked about undecided voters I blanked and just started babbling. Of course I know undecided voters, Heather on the panel is one of them, and I know many more -- nice one, Karen!!!

But as I said, it sure was fun! As I mentioned earlier I felt a little out of my depths -- after all, the other guy blogs about politics and I blog about breastfeeding, vbacs, and if you're lucky, a three-year-old's temper tantrums.

OH, if you notice that I refer to Sarah Palin's children as "humans" -- that is totally my daughter's influence. She calls people "humans."

"Mama, look at that human! She has a pretty dress!"
"Shush, Chim, you don't want to blow our cover before the Mother Ship returns."

Karen "the Liberal" Pittsburgh Doula :)

2008-09-04T19:57:00.004-05:00

OK, I just had a ton of fun. I was asked to be part of a live streaming chat on KDKA.com with John Delano (who was super nice) regarding Sarah Palin and motherhood and all that good stuff. Now, I don't talk about politics very much here but I'm pretty liberal, politically speaking so I was "the liberal". My vote is definitely for the Obama/Biden ticket this fall.

I will post the link when it's live -- unless I look like a total doofus, in which case I won't :) I'm really a hobbyist when it comes to politics (although I like to think I put a lot of thought into the issues) and I don't know as much as "the conservative" about the political apparatus, so to speak. He sure did know his talking points though and managed to sneak in a "Hussein" and call the two women on the panel sexist a few times.

I will keep you posted! It really was super fun -- I love talking about politics and it's usually so taboo that I am not able to do so. I've never done anything like that before and I really appreciated the opportunity (thanks Heather from Pittsburgh Mom, if you're reading!).

The 7 Secrets of Being A Homebirth Dad

2008-08-27T15:39:00.001-05:00

This was forwarded to my doula group. Not sure where it originated but I thought it was interesting! I honestly don't know if or when I will attend another homebirth, from sheer lack of opportunity.

The 7 Secrets of Being A Home birth Dad

All Dads to be are nervous or at least skeptical when their wife/partner
first mentions the idea of having a home birth. This is nothing to be
ashamed of – us guys are conditioned by a life times constant bombardment
that Doctors know best and that it is our patriarchy duty to always make
safe choices. That's why when my wife Bel first brought up the idea for the
birth of our second Daughter my first train of thought was about risk.
Images of John Hurt's chest cracking open and a tiny, evil alien being
screeching it's bloody arrival to the universe ran through my mind. I looked
up at the walls of our apartment and wondered whether an arterial spray of
blood could ever be washed out of that particular shade of off white. Ten
minutes googling dissolved my misconception that home birth is reckless
(with Bel peering over my shoulder and directing me to websites she'd
already read).

In a nutshell, there are studies for and against, but if you listen to your
own common sense you will probably agree it's just as safe, if not safer.
You can Google all that stuff yourself, what I want to really want to talk
about is the second train of though that ran through my head – why?

Why have a home birth? My wife had her reasons and she laid them out for me.
Bel had a horrible experience in hospital with our first daughter and that
was a big part of it. As Bel explained it to me Nodded and said 'umm' a lot
and was happy to go along with it because I knew it was what she wanted. But
I never had reasons of my own –from my selfish perspective as a Dad – until
I had experienced it for myself.

These reasons are the 7 secrets I want to share with you guys now.

1. In a home birth you are no longer relegated to the bench.
Before the birth itself there is more to think about in a planning and
logistics sort of way, ranging from buying equipment to manly jobs like
making sure the birth pool hose actually attaches to your taps. On game day
you are not just a big hairy thing whose only use is to be squeezed
viciously or swore at. You are in charge of the birth pool, maybe even
catching the baby (I'm doing that next time). And, aside from the mother,
who will be a little preoccupied, you are the only person in the building
who knows where all the towels are. If you have ever read The Hitchhikers
Guide, you'll know how vital that is.

2. You'll lose less hair and gain less wrinkles.
Having a baby is always frightening on some level, if you're not scared out
your wits you must be medicated or dead inside. With a homebirth though
there are less things that stress you out and feed the ugly fear monster
within. Think of it: No traffic. No worry of getting lost. No worry of the
car not starting. No worry that you've forgotten something. No pacing
corridors. No worry about what's happening. No corridors to pace. No smug
doctors. You'll still be worried, but it won't consume you. Besides – in a
home birth, you have too many jobs to do to have time to let your fear
monster run free.

3. Home is where the heart is.
Not to mention Cd's, DVDs, the PlayStation... All your comforts. Your music,
your TV, your favourite mug, your fridge, your magazines, your books even
your beer I guess. You'll be more relaxed, the mum will be more relaxed and
the baby will be more relaxed too when he/she pops out. I'll be honest,
despite the stimulus of worry and excitement, births are pretty boring.
Maybe I have a short attention span, but it's not, you know, entertainment.
And we all know they can go on a bit. With a home birth you will be a
thousand times less bored as you can take a break and read a magazine or
flip on the idiot box for a bit. Hell, it's probably less boring for the
midwifes too.

4. Say goodbye to the little things that kill Me?
I hate hospitals for a million and one small and big reasons. Looking back
now I can't believe I didn't jump for joy when Bel mentioned having a home
birth simply because I wouldn't have to go to one. My main problem with
hospitals is this - the idea of being surrounded by sick people sounds like
a bad strategy if you want to stay healthy. Plus there are hundred small
things: it smells bad, the foods nasty, it's demeaning to find you way by
following coloured lines on the floor and most importantly, when your
newborn arrives he/she won't be woken up by someone else's screaming child.
Hospitals suck, home rules!

5. You don't have to live the delivery room cliché of the hapless and
scorned father.
You know the one - where the woman in labor hates her husband and screams
blue murder into his face, punches him etc. Either that or she is so
medicated and spaced out she doesn't even know what a father islet alone who
you are. With a home birth her labor is undisturbed. She does not have to be
picked up halfway through and rushed to the hospital. I cannot state enough
how much a difference this makes.

6. You are He-man of the home, you have the power!
That's right. It's not the power of gray skull though, it's the power of
being the master of your environment. It's a subtle difference, but one you
will notice. Your home is your place. You pay for it. The-midwives and
guests are the fish out of water. If they want something, they ask you.
There's a funny thing about evolution, it has created the subconscious trait
that whoever gives out the food is the dominant player in any situation.
That's why in a home birth you will find it feels a lot more natural to ask
more questions about what's going on, to make sure that the birth plan is
stuck to and to generally be more involved and have more say over the whole
thing.

7. You won't have your surprised, fragile heart ripped out.
If you only remember one of these secrets, make sure it's this one. At the
end of a home birth, the midwifes leave. Not you. This is the way it should
be. In a hospital, you will be torn away from you newborn child and your
exhausted wife at the very peak of your emotional vulnerability. Let me
paint the picture for you real quick: two weeks before my eldest daughter
was born my Dad had died, we were not financially safe and I didn't have a
job. In short, it was tough. But being the alpha male I am, I wasn't showing
it and being the rock solid guy I like to think I am. But the instant I saw
my new daughters face I discovered a vein of happiness and a depth of
feeling that washed away my ego and my fears and even helped me come to
terms with my Dad's recent death and made me, a mainly scientific sort of
thinker, to almost see a thread of symmetry within life.

If that's all a bit too Lion King for you I apologize, my main point is this
–at that point the most unnatural thing in the world for me to do was leave
my daughter, drive home and lay on my couch for eight hours and wait for the
sun to rise. To make me do that, is probably the cruelest thing that has
ever been done to me. In retrospect I wish I had stayed and made them try
and have me arrested to make me leave. I have forever lost that first night
with my first born.

These are my reasons why home birth was better for me. I've called them
secrets, because these things are not common knowledge and are not talked
about all that much even within the world of home birth programs and message
groups etc. It's not all good – you will have to clean up afterwards. That's
not any one's idea of fun. But hey, that's a small price to pay in my
opinion.After experiencing both hospital and home birth my wife and I
wouldn't even consider going to a hospital again unless there was a very
compelling medical reason why we should do so. That's compelling, by our
standards of reason and common sense. Not what any medical profession says.
It's a no-brainer for us. As a Dad there is really no comparison to be made.

You are a key part of a home birth. The mother needs you and is relying on
you. In a way it's a shame when it's all over because you revert back to
being a useless man again before the midwifes left over tea goes cold.

Ven Batista

Whoa. Hathor is UNMASKED!

2008-08-21T15:48:00.003-05:00

strange happenings over at Hathor the Cow Goddess. Looks like she's now just "mama"!

She's fierce and kinda scary. I like her!