Happy Easter!!!

I hope you are all welcoming spring in some way!

Today we went to church...
... and played in the church's garden.
Earlier this week we went to see the daffodils at Highland Park...


And in our front yard too!

so, it snowed.

it snowed a lot. and now it's snowing again. kids off school. we're hanging in there. they better not close the schools on thursday or so help me. SO HELP ME.

i use a lot of doula-skills in my parenting. patience. compassion. creativity. strength. the ability to stay awake for insane periods of time. sense of humor.

but we haven't left the house except for a few brief trips to play in the snow (the hubbie did take the big kids out a few times -- it's too hard for me to take the three of them out solo) since 3:30pm on friday, just as the snow started. so we're on hour 101 of each other. and i'm not that good.

2009 Reflections

I know. Boring. But know what else? I have a napping baby (yay!), occupied kids (yay!), snow on the roads, and while I was going to make waffles during the nap, I ruined three out of four remaining eggs when I poured in buttermilk that I then decided was just too far gone. SO I have some time here.

2009 was such a tough year for so many people. Great people who are absolute blessings in my life got piles of shit dumped in their lives and it's beyond unfair. I can't hope enough that 2010 brings nothing but hope, health, and prosperity for all but especially those who have had a crummy 2009.

But there have been joys for me this year. Shortly after the new year was rung in, we remembered the pregnancy that we lost in the summer of 2008 as what would've been the due date came and went. We then got a peek at Charlie at 11 weeks or so. Had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife on Inauguration Day -- joy upon joy!

Our family had the pleasure of watching our daughter and son grow along with my belly. Seeing Chim Chim and Badger become buddies (with a healthy dose of rivalry) has been a blast. Badger had his first ER visit and a mild concussion in the spring, fun! We rehabed our basement so my husband could have a nice quiet(-er) place to work, which really expanded our living space. We were getting ready to become a family of five!

Which we did, on July 28th. Charlie. What a great baby. What an amazing time in my life. Just as Badger's birth was a redemption of sorts of the negative experience of Chim's birth, Charlie's birth provided a measure of healing from the miscarriage, a regaining of the confidence that my body is strong and capable -- and yet I understand now more fully that the emotions aren't raging, there will always be a gaping, glaring omission from my... life? soul? heart? Wherever the hole is, it's there and the ache will never be filled, nor should it.

The mothering of Charlie is so much more in line with how I have always wanted to do it, and I'm thrilled. It's been a huge adjustment but I think I'm dodging the postpartum depression that I should have better addressed the last 2 times. I am confident that it has a LOT to do with what a comparatively awesome sleeper C. is, compared to his big brother, and I'm reasonably sure that it's due to cosleeping this time around. Not to say that the sleeping is perfect but it's so much better than I was prepared for.

And the big kids are getting SO grown up. Chim started full-time Pre-K and Badger is in a Transition to Early Childhood program, which not only addresses his speech issues (which are SO improved) but will get him ready for a full-time Pre-K when the time comes.

The holidays have come and gone once again, and we celebrated with family and friends. We were able to spend a bit of time with friends from Germany visiting Pittsburgh in October, and I got to see one of my longest-lasting friends, glowingly pregnant, which was beyond worth the drive.

2010 will probably bring more changes, of course. I love making resolutions these days. I used to be very vocal about the amount of suckage contained in New Years, but now that I am a little more aware about the speed of time passing, I see the value in looking back, looking forward. My hopes for 2010 for my life are to get back into both work and home life with a renewed vigor, now that we're getting the hang of this family of 5 with 2 kids on different school schedules thing. I am hoping to get in shape, with The Run Around the Square being a goal for me (to run/walk/finish on hands-and-knees). More generally, I really want to be more present, to make new connections and strengthen neglected ones (like this blog).

So. Tired. And Ho, ho, ho, too.

I hope this finds anyone who is still reading my poor blog well. Life as a mom of 3 is really kicking my butt lately. The formerly awesome sleeper is really not doing very well in the sleeping department for the past, oh, 2 1/2 months, but he sure is adorable and sweet when we're holding him! Put him down, though, and oh the crying! I am trying to keep my head on straight this time -- Badger was the same way and it really did drive me nuts. I don't want to be nuts again. I have been feeling a little bit nuts lately between the sleep issues, keeping kids' schedules straight, and recovering from our Thanksgiving trip to New England and preparing for Christmas. I'm trying to simplify and appreciate what is important.

This time around I really feel like I'm parenting the baby the way I wanted to with the other two but didn't have the information, resources, or courage of convictions. Since I am not comfortable bedsharing due to hubby's ability to sleep through anything, Superbaby's in an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. However, once he wakes up at night, he won't go back to sleep unless I am holding him... so we end up with him in our bed anyway. I wear him a lot, and still exclusively breastfeeding. Cloth diaper is going MUCH better. I really like the BumGenius 3.0s.

Badger's doing really well -- he's in a 2-day-a-week program that gets kids with special needs ready for Pre-K, and he just loves it. Chim is still doing well in her Pre-K and she's really looking forward to Christmas.

In doula news -- well, I am still not able to work since the baby's still not nearly sleeping through the night. In addition to not wanting to leave my husband with a baby that he can't soothe, I can't imagine what a terrible doula I'd be, being as sleep-deprived as I am. I'm barely functioning in my role as cook, chauffeur, and Santa Claus. But I have been getting the itch to go back to births -- been starting to read the birth blogs again, etc. December offered two birthy events -- Heart & Hands' Doula Service quarterly meeting, where it was so nice to touch base with all the doulas, and a party for Mr. Midwife, who marked 10 years of catching babies in Pittsburgh.

So my friends -- please do forgive me for being so terrible about blogging. I'm sure it's just left a gaping hole in your lives. ;) I just wanted to put out some happy holiday wishes!

A Day with Ina May -- Part Two

The topics listed for the afternoon were Post-date Inductions (including midwifery methods of inductions) and Demand Cesareans: What Women Probably Don't Know. Ina May didn't quite stick to the outline but that was fine by me (although there were those who beg to differ). She brought panels from The Safe Motherhood Quilt, which is something of a memorial to mothers who have died as a result of complications of pregnancy or birth.



She talked a lot about the risks of induction and the lack of informed consent. Ina May also discussed not only the sharp increase of maternal morbidity but the method of reporting deaths -- from the fact that death certificates are different from state to state, that reporting of maternal deaths is done on the honor system, and that autopsies are rarely performed. She described the quilt as a blunt instrument and I am so glad that she brought it with her.

One of the reasons *I* loved this part is that Ina May got political. In my opinion, you cannot have a conversation about maternal health and not have a political discussion. It's too intertwined. It's absurd. You can't point out the fact that the system sucks and not talk about why -- especially when the fact of the matter is, as a result of the system being so busted, women die and they don't need to.

So the conference ended and after cleaning up the room, some doulas were able to have dinner with Ina May. What an treat it was to have a casual conversation with Ina May! How many stories she must have -- and she wisely confirmed that I really didn't want to be camping at Bonnaroo with my kids and being really pregnant in June -- even if it is a killer line up AND close to the Farm! Honestly, some days I really feel like packing it in and moving to the Farm or somewhere like.

Anyway, I will always treasure this picture and the time spent with Ina May. Here's Ina May Gaskin, yours truly, Thing Three, and my extra chins:

A Day with Ina May -- Part One

Yesterday was Heart and Hands Doula Service's 9th annual Family Centered Maternity Care Conference and as I *may* have mentioned, the only speaker was none other than Ina May Gaskin. What an AMAZING and tiring day!
At left, Jan Mallak introduces Ina May.


The beginning of the day focused on using manual skills instead of relying on medical interventions and tests (for instance, it has been proposed that ob residents no longer need to be able to palpate the abdomen to determine fetal position); Sphincter Law (my favorite part was the idea that the vagina was erectile tissue much like the penis, and that instead of "stretching" it just plain gets bigger); and the Forgotten Powers of the Vagina. The second two topics blended together flawlessly.

Lunch was pretty bad but it was nice not to have to wonder if the food was actually vegetarian -- it was!!! Of course no one came for the food but rather for the legendary speaker and the company of fellow birth professionals.

The conference room at PPG Chemical Center

The Heart and Hands Display

Heather Mallak, baby Zeev, and Ina May

And I'm going to stop here, publish, and then write part 2 later -- it's taken me about 9 hours to write this much due to catching up at home!

Welcome Baby Z!!!

Jan Mallak is a grandmother (and oh, her daughter is a mama). Baby Z made his grand entrance early, arriving tonight -- about 6 weeks early but seemingly in quite good shape!

Please keep this family in your thoughts -- we hope to continue to hear good news!

WOW, six Superbowl wins? Has that ever been done before?

The answer is, no. Not until last night. The Pittsburgh Steelers are the first!

We all had a very late night last night, which for Badger always means a terrible sleep. My husband had the horsesense to sleep on the sofa since, as predicted, I had a whining, flopping-around two-year-old sharing my bed starting around 2am. We had a surprisingly productive speech therapy session at The Children's Institute, where Badger began today a 6-month series of weekly sessions to supplement his already weekly sessions here at home.

Once the boy was napping, I did something I hadn't done in a while -- I sat and read stories to ChimChim for an hour. Lately it's always been SOMETHING, we've been so busy. It was nice to take the time and relax together.

Contest Time! Beautiful BIRTH BEADS!

This is a contest for all the moms and childbirth professionals!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Write about your birth or a birth you've attended, or if you've not yet had the big birth day yet, your hopes for birth, in six words. This is borrowed from doulicia -- by way of my doula board! To play fair's fair, here are my births, in six words.

#1: watched pot, surgical, plenty of blame.
#2: textbook, instinctual, midwife, supported, strong, healing.

So leave a comment with your six words. Don't get caught up about being all poetical, I'm much more interested in your true recollections, or hopes. Please also pass the word along! I don't know how I'll pick a winner but whether it's deciding which speaks to most, or loving each of them so much that I have to employ that Random.org thing that Pioneer Woman uses, it'll be fair. Unless I decide to keep the prize myself, because just take a look:



These are Birth Beads and this bracelet is made by a doula who works with Heart & Hands. Aren't they beautiful!? And there is a lovely story behind the beads, as seen below. Don't you love the tiny feet and little picture frame? What a nice keepsake for a new mom, a special client, or heck, even yourself! If you love this bracelet as much as I do, why don't you give Ellen an email (egcc93 at hotmail dot com) and find out about guaranteeing you can have a bracelet of your own?

Pink- Between the mother …
A spark! Anew life has begun
Blue- And the father
In just three weeks,
The heart begins to beat
Two more months,
This is the exact size and shape of baby’s feet
Another month
Time to find out the sex? Or be surprised? Pink, blue, purple
After another month or so
Movements of the baby can be felt
You and the baby are growing
Together
Soon will come Labor! Unpredictable, Beautiful
Moment in time
All leading to meeting your new child



Congratulations!

I'll accept submissions until, say, 10pm EST on Wednesday September 24, and announce the winner Thursday September 25 (births and other life permitting!).

Good luck!

The Midwife Center Sponsors Screening of “The Business of Being Born” on Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Midwife Center Sponsors Screening of “The Business of Being Born” on Saturday, October 4, 2008

Clients and friends of The Midwife Center understand its value first-hand and know how lucky we are to have access to an independent midwife practice. Now that the United States has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world as more and more medical interventions during birth become commonplace, the Center is even more precious. Ricki Lake’s response to this crisis in birth was to produce a documentary film about birth titled The Business of Being Born.

From the producers:
Birth is a miracle, a rite of passage, a natural part of life. But birth is also big business.
Compelled to explore the subject after the delivery of her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to question the way American women have babies.
The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal.
Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?



If you haven’t seen the film, you don’t want to miss it. Even if you have seen the film, please consider joining us for this special screening event and inviting that friend you’ve been meaning to tell about the center. More women need to see that there is another way – this film will make it crystal clear.

Screening of The Business of Being Born
Waterworks Cinema, Aspinwall
Saturday, October 4, 2008
9:30am - Bagels and coffee reception
10:00am – Welcome and movie screening, followed by a panel of local physicians and certified nurse-midwives to answer questions from the audience.

Tickets are available at The Midwife Center or at the door for $10.00 each or 2 tickets for $15. A kid’s movie will be shown at the same time, supervised by volunteers, for $6 per child (ages 6 and up recommended). Please call 412-321-6884 or email c.haas@midwifecenter.org for more information and to RSVP for your child(ren).

Opening of the new Obama office!

Last night Badger and I attended the opening of the new Obama office in East Liberty. It was very crowded, which is a good thing... unless you have a spooked 22-month-old strapped to your body. I thank my lucky stars that I had my sling with me though; otherwise we would have had to turn right around. We bumped into my midwife there and he couldn't believe how big "the baby" had gotten!

Anyway, it was a fun time, very exciting, and I wish I'd have brought my camera!

Jon Delano's Streaming RNC Webcast Chat

Here it is, my 15 minutes of fame.
Jon Delano's Streaming RNC Webcast Chat

I don't think I embarrassed myself too badly! There's one question at the very end when he asked about undecided voters I blanked and just started babbling. Of course I know undecided voters, Heather on the panel is one of them, and I know many more -- nice one, Karen!!!

But as I said, it sure was fun! As I mentioned earlier I felt a little out of my depths -- after all, the other guy blogs about politics and I blog about breastfeeding, vbacs, and if you're lucky, a three-year-old's temper tantrums.

OH, if you notice that I refer to Sarah Palin's children as "humans" -- that is totally my daughter's influence. She calls people "humans."

"Mama, look at that human! She has a pretty dress!"
"Shush, Chim, you don't want to blow our cover before the Mother Ship returns."

Karen "the Liberal" Pittsburgh Doula :)

OK, I just had a ton of fun. I was asked to be part of a live streaming chat on KDKA.com with John Delano (who was super nice) regarding Sarah Palin and motherhood and all that good stuff. Now, I don't talk about politics very much here but I'm pretty liberal, politically speaking so I was "the liberal". My vote is definitely for the Obama/Biden ticket this fall.

I will post the link when it's live -- unless I look like a total doofus, in which case I won't :) I'm really a hobbyist when it comes to politics (although I like to think I put a lot of thought into the issues) and I don't know as much as "the conservative" about the political apparatus, so to speak. He sure did know his talking points though and managed to sneak in a "Hussein" and call the two women on the panel sexist a few times.

I will keep you posted! It really was super fun -- I love talking about politics and it's usually so taboo that I am not able to do so. I've never done anything like that before and I really appreciated the opportunity (thanks Heather from Pittsburgh Mom, if you're reading!).

Welcome to the world, Baby T!

What a lovely birth today at The Midwife Center! Mom listened to her body superbly, met each contraction as it came with wonderful vocalization, and let everything go when the contraction was finished.

I think this was actually the first birth I attended in which the mom pushed physiologically the entire time, with nothing but quiet encouragement and positive feedback from the birth team.

So Welcome to the World Baby T -- I think you will like it here. You're in good hands with Mom C and Dad D!

Welcome Baby M!

A lovely, hard-earned birth yesterday. We were in one of the two new LDRs at Magee. I have to say, the inclusion of the poorly-executed jacuzzi tubs was a nice thought, but not anything to write home about.

Three-hour second stage -- dang, that's so exhausting and frustrating for mamas! The very-patient midwife (seriously, she was 100% positive and reassuring and encouraging) said that one of many things she would change about childbirth education curricula is to emphasize that especially with first-time vaginal births, a 2, 3, or 4 hour second stage is not out of the range of normal.

Congrats to E. and D. on their lovely, beautiful daughter... with one beautiful name for each our of pushing!

Goodbye to Randy Pausch

An Enduring Legacy

Very sad today to learn that Randy Pausch has passed away. Since his Last Lecture, I'm sure we've all thought about how we live our best days. I have found myself frequently thinking of both him and my friend Becky, passed away all too soon last fall, when I feel so heavy with the weight of things they would love to be burdened with -- potty training trials, temper tantrums in the grocery store, and other every-day challenges.

I thank him and his family for sharing part of their time together. I am a better wife, mother, friend for it. I hope they can feel the love and good thoughts of so many millions surrounding them during this difficult time.

Another Busy Week!

Happy 39th week to my client T! She'll be welcoming her little one shortly and I'm excited to be there. Her previous doula apparently had some mad Rebozo skills so I'm brushing up on mine... with my home-made Rebozo, which frankly is not great.

I'll be attending the Pittsburgh VBAC support group at the Midwife Center on Wednesday June 11 at 7pm, to discuss VBAC in general and how a doula can be particularly helpful when VBACing.

In family news, Chim is impressing us with her imagination and memory. She has named a toy with the first "real" name she's ever given one. Up until now, all her dolls and toys were named things like Frizza or Ooopalah, or Monkey or Puppy. Until she met a dragon named Greenie Pickles :) She's going on a field trip tomorrow and we hope she does well. It's hit or miss with her these days!

Badger is having his formal evaluation tomorrow with a speech therapist and developmental specialist. We're really looking forward to learning the results. He is getting much better about being read to and about finding non-verbal ways to communicate, and in an unrelated story, can blow bubbles... pretty well, actually!

And The Tiebreaker is still hangin' in there! I forget I'm pregnant from time to time. And I'm delighted about that! At this point with Badger, we were preparing for the worst since it really didn't look great from weeks 4-12!

On a final note... LET'S GO PENS! They're really hanging in there against the awesome Red Wings. But please, no more triple overtimes. This old lady is TIRED.

Been slacking!

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the preschooler who makes her way into our bed at night, maybe it's our upcoming trip to the inlaws but I've been sort of blah on the blog. So here are some updates!

What's been going on with our family...
Not too much with me and the hubby. We're looking forward to our trip to see the inlaws and maybe take an overnight trip without the kids.
We've been working with Badger to get him to start talking and we wonder if he is saying more words than we realize, it's just difficult to understand. We're looking forward to his next well child checkup so we can perhaps move forward in getting him evaluated for a delay. Other than that... he's awesome -- a funny, sweet, curious, nearly year-and-a-half old kiddo!
Chim is doing really well and is obsessed with princesses. Seriously. We got her some princess playsets as a reward for doing so well with her medicine and since then that's all she can talk about or think about.

What's been going on with my doula life...
I'm still hoping to do my first postpartum doula job before we go away but if Mom is doing so well that she doesn't need me, well, that's not the worst thing in the world either!
I have a birth client lined up for early June -- a really nice couple expecting their fourth child!
I was flattered to be invited to the christening of a client's son and I'm happy to report that not only is the family doing very well, the roof of the church did not come crashing down on my head.
Last night I went to the VBAC support group at the Midwife Center. Even though there was only one attendee I am glad that I went.

What I've been thinking about, birth-wise...
I don't know if it's just the line of work I am now in, or the stage of life I'm in, but it seems like I'm hearing about a LOT fewer cesarean births. I feel like when I had Chim, everyone I knew had a cesarean birth as well, but other than my late-March client, I haven't heard of one in maybe a year! Has anyone else felt this way?
Lots of folks are talking about the pregnant man. I find this fascinating on a sociological/personal level but pretty boring on a biological level, which is the angle most people seem fixated on. It's be awesome to be his doula!
A large contingent of Amish descended on Harrisburg to protest the prosecution of midwife Diane Goslin. Somewhere in the mess of my desk I have information about a grass-roots group that is being organized in PA to advocate for homebirth midwifery, and I will share that when I can find it!

And a request for prayers and good thoughts for a local midwife who we learned this week has breast cancer.

Reminder: Midwife Center's "Let Them Eat Cake" event

Midwife Center offers cake tasting and fun

I won't be there because of a prior commitment, so go and eat some cake for me!

INA MAY is coming!!!

Guess who is coming to Pittsburgh!?

This past conference was a hard act to follow but I *think* next year might just do it. The featured speaker? None other than... Ina May Gaskin!!!


March 28, 2009 -- save the date!