2009 Reflections

I know. Boring. But know what else? I have a napping baby (yay!), occupied kids (yay!), snow on the roads, and while I was going to make waffles during the nap, I ruined three out of four remaining eggs when I poured in buttermilk that I then decided was just too far gone. SO I have some time here.

2009 was such a tough year for so many people. Great people who are absolute blessings in my life got piles of shit dumped in their lives and it's beyond unfair. I can't hope enough that 2010 brings nothing but hope, health, and prosperity for all but especially those who have had a crummy 2009.

But there have been joys for me this year. Shortly after the new year was rung in, we remembered the pregnancy that we lost in the summer of 2008 as what would've been the due date came and went. We then got a peek at Charlie at 11 weeks or so. Had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife on Inauguration Day -- joy upon joy!

Our family had the pleasure of watching our daughter and son grow along with my belly. Seeing Chim Chim and Badger become buddies (with a healthy dose of rivalry) has been a blast. Badger had his first ER visit and a mild concussion in the spring, fun! We rehabed our basement so my husband could have a nice quiet(-er) place to work, which really expanded our living space. We were getting ready to become a family of five!

Which we did, on July 28th. Charlie. What a great baby. What an amazing time in my life. Just as Badger's birth was a redemption of sorts of the negative experience of Chim's birth, Charlie's birth provided a measure of healing from the miscarriage, a regaining of the confidence that my body is strong and capable -- and yet I understand now more fully that the emotions aren't raging, there will always be a gaping, glaring omission from my... life? soul? heart? Wherever the hole is, it's there and the ache will never be filled, nor should it.

The mothering of Charlie is so much more in line with how I have always wanted to do it, and I'm thrilled. It's been a huge adjustment but I think I'm dodging the postpartum depression that I should have better addressed the last 2 times. I am confident that it has a LOT to do with what a comparatively awesome sleeper C. is, compared to his big brother, and I'm reasonably sure that it's due to cosleeping this time around. Not to say that the sleeping is perfect but it's so much better than I was prepared for.

And the big kids are getting SO grown up. Chim started full-time Pre-K and Badger is in a Transition to Early Childhood program, which not only addresses his speech issues (which are SO improved) but will get him ready for a full-time Pre-K when the time comes.

The holidays have come and gone once again, and we celebrated with family and friends. We were able to spend a bit of time with friends from Germany visiting Pittsburgh in October, and I got to see one of my longest-lasting friends, glowingly pregnant, which was beyond worth the drive.

2010 will probably bring more changes, of course. I love making resolutions these days. I used to be very vocal about the amount of suckage contained in New Years, but now that I am a little more aware about the speed of time passing, I see the value in looking back, looking forward. My hopes for 2010 for my life are to get back into both work and home life with a renewed vigor, now that we're getting the hang of this family of 5 with 2 kids on different school schedules thing. I am hoping to get in shape, with The Run Around the Square being a goal for me (to run/walk/finish on hands-and-knees). More generally, I really want to be more present, to make new connections and strengthen neglected ones (like this blog).


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